3 Big Barriers Men Face When Seeking Mental Health Care

Imagine there’s a leaky pipe in your house. Your first instinct might be to fix it yourself. But to do that, you need to understand what caused the leak. You also need to know the steps for repairing it. And you need the right tools to get the job done.

If it’s a tricky situation — maybe something that has come up a few times — you might consider calling in a professional. After all, there’s no shame in asking for help or getting an expert’s advice.

Taking care of your emotional health works much the same way. Around 59 million people in the United States deal with some form of mental illness, according to data from the National Institutes of Health.¹ And while anyone can benefit from getting support, only 42% of men pursue it compared to roughly 57% of women.¹

There are many factors at play, and the exact mix is different for each person. Still, research points to a few common barriers that keep men from getting help.²

“How different genders are socialized is one big factor,” says Giselle Alexander, LCSW, a licensed therapist and AbleTo Program Advisor. “It shapes which behaviors and types of communication are seen as ‘acceptable’ and which are not.”

But changing the stereotypes and removing the stigma is possible. It happens bit by bit, and often begins on a personal level.

“One place to start is talking about mental health with another man you trust,” says Dan Smith, LPC, a licensed professional counselor and AbleTo product designer. “Talking about it helps us tune into each other and ourselves. The more we open up to each other, the more safe spaces we create.”

In this piece, we’ll talk about some common barriers that stop men from getting support. Then we’ll dig into what you — or the men in your life — can do to overcome them.

Why more men don’t seek mental health support

The exact mix of reasons men don’t get help varies from person to person. General fears about mental health support can get in the way. But there are 3 types of barriers that impact men in unique ways.

The barrier: Gender norms

Why it’s an issue: The perception of what makes someone “manly” has evolved in recent years. But stubborn stereotypes remain. Those outdated myths might sound like:

• Men should be strong and brave
• Men should solve their own problems without help
• Men shouldn’t complain

“Older men, especially, may have trouble letting go of these ‘ideals.’ That’s what they were raised on,” says Alexander. “Young men and boys may be more comfortable breaking from these norms, but they need to be encouraged. It can be tricky for them to stand up against peers who have doubled down on these kinds of limiting beliefs.”

These myths can discourage men from feeling (and showing) their full range of emotions. That can be especially true for any emotion typically viewed as feminine, such as worry or grief. As such, they may avoid talking about the challenges they’re facing, even with trusted loved ones. They don’t want to be seen as weak.

“There’s strength in learning how to tolerate tough emotions and cope with challenges,” says Alexander. “There’s no shame in being unable to control a situation that’s out of your hands. Or that you didn’t see coming.”

How to break it down: Fighting these myths is a big job. But it begins with each person shifting their own mindset. “The extremes being presented tap into deep emotions like fear and control,” says Alexander. “Asking yourself clarifying questions can help pinpoint why you believe a certain thought. Then you can examine whether or not it’s actually true.”

In cognitive behavioral therapy, this might look like the 3Cs process. The Cs stand for “catch it, check it, change it.”

Here’s how it works:

• Catch, or notice, the thought you’re having
• Check whether any faulty thinking patterns are driving it
• Change or “reframe” your point of view to one that is more neutral or helpful

(If you think you could use some help with this, AbleTo’s 3Cs Guided Journal walks you through the process.)

Once you can do this for yourself, you may notice other men who are having a tough time. You might open up about something you’ve struggled with. And if you do, the other person may feel safer sharing their concerns. “These kinds of chats can be easier if you’re doing an activity like taking a walk or shooting hoops,” says Alexander. “Not being eye-to-eye takes some of the pressure off.”

Men might also be concerned about being seen as a leader at home and in the workplace. And they might think that voicing mental health concerns will negatively affect how people see them. But that’s not necessarily the case. “There’s strength in showing the self-awareness to tackle mental health issues,” says Smith.

Seeking help can also be done discreetly. For instance, virtual programs like the ones AbleTo offers can connect you with support from the comfort of home.

The barrier: Lack of information, community, and providers

Why it’s an issue: Research shows that the more informed someone is about mental health and their options for help, the more likely they are to seek out support.³ And a recent study suggests that men tend to know less about mental health conditions and treatments.⁴

It makes sense, then, that fewer men look for and get help for their well-being. It’s tough to recognize there might be an issue if you don’t know what to look for. Or where to find resources. Then add in the notion that you’re responsible for figuring everything out alone. Pretty daunting, right?

“Women are socialized to process emotions and problem solve together,” says Alexander. “They share stories and see common struggles. They realize it’s not just them, and they’re not deficient in some way. That sense of community is uplifting.” These moments can also lead to sharing resources, whether it’s a coping tool or a provider who helped. Many men, on the other hand, may not have these outlets.

How to break it down: Getting informed and building bonds with fellow men can happen a few different ways.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Foster connection among male friends and family. “Think of places you and your male friends gather,” says Alexander. “How can you become more active there? How can you bring more people into the fold?” For some, it might be the barbershop. For others, the gym. The bottom line is finding outlets that create a sense of comfort, where it feels okay to dip a toe into the emotional stuff. “A sense of community can go a long way,” she adds. “It helps you see that you’re not alone or weak if you’re having a tough time mentally or emotionally.”
• Share resources. As you nurture those bonds, you might find it easier to talk about challenges and what’s helped you face them. You might swap recommendations for providers. Or give examples of healthy coping tools. Others can do the same in return.
• Commit to regular checkups. Women seek out medical care more regularly than men do, says Alexander. This means they have more contact with basic health providers who can help screen for issues. They can also suggest referrals, including mental health experts. See your primary care provider for your annual physical. You can also encourage other men to do the same.

Smith points out that men may also feel like they don’t have the words to express what’s going on in their minds. “We may sense that something is off, but worry that we can’t articulate how we feel,” he says. “But figuring out how to do that is part of getting care.”

Finding mental health providers can also be tricky. In general, most are female and white.⁵ So there may not be someone nearby who has open appointments. Or who reflects your gender or background. But getting virtual support, like AbleTo, is one way to broaden your options. It allows for more flexible timing, and you can see providers licensed throughout your state.

The barrier: Not seeing the value of mental health support

Why it’s an issue: Men are less likely to explore professional help, such as therapy or coaching.¹ Norms impact how men view its value (or lack thereof), according to research.⁶ Since men often feel like they need to be the main provider, they think time spent on paid work is worth more than time spent on self care.

They may feel like it’s wasteful to spend money getting help for issues they think they should be able to figure out on their own. Or they may think that whatever’s bothering them is out of their control, so talking about the situation won’t change anything.

But these beliefs are examples of faulty thinking. Mental health support isn’t just about solving a problem. It’s also about shifting mindsets and growing coping skills. “Men often think they’re expected to be strong and fix things,” says Alexander. “So it feels scary to admit they’re facing a problem that can’t be fixed. They see it as a personal failing when it’s not.”

How to break it down: Understanding the value of mental health support starts with reframing how you see its purpose. Men are often taught to prize concrete answers over process. And common portrayals of mental health support might make you think it involves talking about problems without arriving at a solution.

But that’s misleading. There are many different styles of support, and some options might feel more action-oriented. In coaching and cognitive behavioral therapy, for example, there’s an emphasis on building practical skills to tackle challenges now and in the future.

It’s also worth thinking about how your mental health affects other aspects of your life and wellness. Being your best self involves your whole self — mind, body, and spirit. If part of that equation is off, chances are that you’re seeing the effects in your work and personal lives. “Having human support can help you see things from a different angle,” says Alexander. “It’s one more tool to help you operate at your most optimal level.”

A better way forward

Seeking support is one of the best things any person can do to protect their health. It helps you to better show up for yourself and others. Alexander offers a great analogy: “It’s like when you’re on a plane and told to put on your own oxygen mask first,” she says. “If you want to take care of others, you need to be at your best. That means caring for your physical and mental health.”

We’ve already made some needed progress as a society when it comes to fighting the stigma around mental health care. But we still have a ways to go, especially when it comes to men’s mental health.

The changes can start with you. When you expand your views on how men should think, feel, and behave, you allow everyone to be more fully themselves and to seek help when needed.