Reflect and Reset: How to Process the Past 12 Months and Prepare for the Next

As the year begins to wind down, it’s natural to reflect on everything that’s happened. You might think about major events that took place in your life — both good and bad. You might look back on changes you made — or changes you’d hoped to make but didn’t. And you might ponder goals you achieved — or ones you’re still working toward.

Big feelings might bubble up. And some of those emotions might conflict with one another. “You might notice this general sense of unease,” says Giselle Alexander, LCSW, a licensed therapist and AbleTo program advisor. “And if it’s been a hard year for you or your family, you might already be worrying about what may happen next year.”

That’s why it helps to hit pause. Instead of launching headfirst into the new year, you can give yourself the time and space to look back on the past 12 months. And if you do it with kindness toward yourself? Well, you might find it’s a little bit easier to look back at both the negatives and the positives. You can start to see all of the factors that played into how your year went, rather than just seeing what did or didn’t happen. And you can temper the urge to place undue blame on yourself or others.

Alexander also encourages practicing radical acceptance. That simply means fully recognizing reality. “It gives us the space to acknowledge the challenges we faced,” she explains. From there, we can assess the things that were out of our control.

“When you give yourself grace, you can process the past year in a balanced way,” says Alexander. “That prepares you to hit the reset button and start fresh in the new year.”

First, we’ll get into how the process of reflection affects our well-being. Then we’ll share 5 exercises to help you do it in a healthy, helpful way.

How reflection can affect our well-being

Reflecting can trigger some complicated feelings. We can easily slip into an unhelpful pattern of assigning blame. Or making excuses. But research suggests that, when done right, reflection can help us know ourselves. Scientists are still working to understand exactly how it happens. But the theory is that when we look back on events in our lives, we can draw conclusions about our behavior. Then we can use those learnings to build our sense of self.

Reflection can help us change for the better. And it can make us more resilient because it allows us to refine our coping skills. “We may realize that something good happened when we simply allowed ourselves to stay open,” says Alexander. “Maybe being willing to explore a new interest or experience helped us land a new opportunity.”

5 ways to reflect in a healthy way

There’s no one way to reflect, but there are some best practices. Give the tips below a try to see what works for you.

Tune into your experience

Before we can really dig into the work of reflection, we need to be aware of our experience. We want to give ourselves the time and space to be fully present. “Allow yourself to be in the moment,” says Alexander. “Think back on the year and see what thoughts come up first. “What emotions are behind those thoughts?” This helps us honor what we’ve been through.

Find a quiet space to take this mental inventory. Or, write down your thoughts and feelings. It can release them. You can use your favorite notebook. Or, if you’re an AbleTo participant, try out the Freewrite Journal in your program.

Allow for nuance

Life isn’t black or white. And your reflections shouldn’t be either. Try to resist the urge to focus solely on the negative. Sure, you’ll want to note the hard parts of the year. And any goals you may have set but not yet achieved. But don’t discount any accomplishments, big or small.

“Take an inventory of what happened this year and what you wish happened,” says Alexander. “Ask yourself what you’re proud of. What skills you built. What strengths you’re developing. Are there any new strengths you might want to explore in the year ahead?”

Another prompt Alexander likes: “What are you still feeling the impact of?” Right after an event, we may be so focused on what happened that we don’t see the ripple effect, good or bad. By asking ourselves this question, we can start to embrace the way something shaped us, our views, and our mindsets.

“A lot of times, we can feel stuck if we’re not ready to accept the truth of something or how it’s impacted our lives,” says Alexander. “When it’s something negative, we may not realize the ways it’s still challenging us. On the flip side, when it’s something positive, we may not give ourselves credit for the skills or resources we developed to make that thing happen.”

Embrace objectivity

We’re all human. We may let an event or interaction take on outsized importance. “When something is weighing on your mind, you may not realize how much it’s affecting you,” says Alexander. “The way you see one small thing that happened can balloon into how you see the year in its entirety, versus a small slice of it.”

When you make an inventory list, it’s easier to see the year’s events in context. When you see the full spectrum of ups and downs, you can evaluate everything from a more neutral position. For example, you might notice that your biggest challenge came at a time when you were stretched extra thin. That might help you realize that you handled the situation better than you remembered. And you might also realize you want to build up more resources to navigate similar challenges in the future.

Shift your point of view

In cognitive behavioral therapy — the form of psychotherapy that underpins our programs at AbleTo — we practice “adaptive thinking.” This means being open to change. And it means shifting our thoughts and actions based on new information or circumstances.

Here are a few ways that might come into play with reflecting and resetting:

• Define terms: When I call myself lazy, what does that mean?
• Re-attribution: Think about factors that were out of your control related to the problem you are having a bad thought about. Focus on solving the problem instead of feeling guilty.
• Double-standard: What would you say to a friend who had the same thought?
• Acceptance: Instead of fighting against your own self-judgments, find the truth in them and accept them

Here’s an example: You’re looking back on the year and start to feel like you didn’t save as much money as you would’ve liked. Or maybe you spent too much money. You might call yourself irresponsible. But what does that actually mean to you in this context? What thoughts or events are causing you to describe yourself that way? What happened during the year that caused you to spend more than you would’ve liked? What would you say if your best friend started to beat themselves up or call themselves names for the same thing?

These types of questions can help you see the issue from all sides.

Sit with tough feelings

We all tell ourselves stories. Some are helpful. Some hold us back. While assessing the past year, the stories and memories that come up may cause difficult emotions.

When that happens, instead of shying away from that discomfort, challenge them using statements like the ones below.

• What’s the worst that can happen? Based on my experience, and NOT on my emotions, how likely is that to happen?
• Feelings are sometimes painful, but they don’t last forever
• My success is measured by taking skillful action, not by whether I was anxious when I did it
• I’m going to continue making progress toward my goal
• Feeling that I can’t do something is not the same as not being able to do it. Stick to the plan and try to be patient and non-judgmental toward my progress and myself.
• Good job. I’m staying in the situation, even though it’s hard.

Reflect. Reset. Renew.

The end of the year can be a busy time. So before the holidays hit, give yourself the gift of time and space to look back on the past year. There will inevitably be positive and negative memories and feelings. But by reflecting in a healthy, holistic manner, we can be kind to ourselves. And we can set ourselves up to usher in a fresh start with the new year.