Feeling like you can fully express yourself is a powerful experience for anyone. But it can be extra impactful for members of the LGBTQIA2S+ community.
“So often, LGBTQIA2S+ people grow up feeling that they’re not accepted,” says licensed psychologist Caroline Pittard, PhD, LP. “They get the message that their identity isn’t something to celebrate. Finding a way to change the narrative can be a challenge, but queer joy is what keeps us going.”
Queer joy looks a little different for everyone. And it can come from lots of different places.
You might read more novels by queer authors. Or mentor queer youth in your field of work. Or dress in a way that reflects your truest self. It can extend to allies, too. In that case, it might be attending a queer wedding. Or marching in a local pride parade.
Simply put, queer joy is anything that helps you connect with other LGBTQIA2S+ folx or yourself. It’s a way to build resilience and community. At AbleTo, our Voices of Visibility (VoV) employee resource group helps us do both.
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How to tap into queer joy
Unsure where you could start? We asked VoV members to share ways they find queer joy in their own lives.
Sari Surkis (she/her), Program Advisor/Clinical Supervisor
“One thing that sparks joy for me is watching a movie or TV show that unexpectedly highlights queer people with strength and confidence. It’s wonderful to see queer people find strength and confidence with acceptance from queer allies. Recently, I watched the movie Next Goal Wins, based on a true story of the infamously terrible American Samoa soccer team. I was pleasantly surprised when a trans woman played an important role in this story. The film depicted real life and real people and showed the power of acceptance.”
Nancy Quintero (she/her), Engagement Specialist
“Joining LGBTQIA2S+ community social and funding events. [They] because it allows me to be myself. I enjoy seeing others embrace the community and just be themselves. It is a beautiful community and needs to be embraced by everyone, whether you are a part of the community or not.”
Carrie Smith-Hardee (she/they), Behavioral Coach
“I cultivate queer joy by connecting to my fellow queer community and sharing hope, play, laughter, dance, stories, hard work, mutual support, and striving to make a difference for queer folx broadly. The feeling of being a part of the courage and heart that is abundant in the queer community fills me with joy and perseverance again and again.”
Alex Sevit (he/him), Clinical Quality Manager
“I find my queer joy on the dance floor. A little after midnight when the vibe is right, everyone is laughing and *gasp* the intro to Abba’s ‘Man After Midnight’ starts pulsing. Or is it Madonna’s ‘Hung Up’? Just gotta keep dancing and find out. That feeling of freedom to move how I want to move without caring about how I look; that’s when the joy takes over.
I’m lucky to live in New York City where safe queer spaces are abundant. We can’t lose sight of the fact that with the real danger our community is facing right now, it can be hard for many to find queer joy. But I would argue now more than ever, queer joy is imperative. When there are forces at work trying to keep us down, out, loud, and proud queer joy is one of the most powerful tools of resistance in our toolbox.
We can’t advocate on an empty tank. So my hope for everyone in the community is that they find their spark of queer joy and let it fill them up.”
Finding your queer joy
Getting a place where you can express your truest self can take some soul searching. And it can feel tough when there’s still stigma attached to being an LGBTQIA2S+ person.
But the more we notice those glimmers of pride, the easier it is to spot others. For anyone who is LGBTQIA2S+, that joy often leads to feeling more connected to yourself and others in the community. And for allies, it can be a way to show some needed support.
AbleTo is here to help every step of the way. Our self-care tools, which include a Freewrite Journal, can be used to reflect on moments of queer joy. And our coaches and therapists learn how to work with people of all backgrounds. You can trust that you’ll be fully supported.
Don’t forget: You deserve to be seen and heard. And you deserve to feel pride in who you are, just as you are.
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By Sarah Bruning
Sarah Bruning has been a journalist and content strategist for more than 15 years. Her work has appeared in leading publications including Women’s Health, Travel + Leisure, and Cosmopolitan.
Clinically reviewed by Hayley Quinn, PsyD, Manager of Clinical Program Development at AbleTo.
Photo by Giuseppe Lombardo/iStock. Individuals in photographs do not represent AbleTo participants.
The information featured on this site is general in nature. The site provides health information designed to complement your personal health management. It does not provide medical advice or health services and is not meant to replace professional advice or imply coverage of specific clinical services or products. The inclusion of links to other websites does not imply any endorsement of the material on such websites.
