7 Ways to Prep for Parenthood That Protect Your Mental Health

So much of getting ready for parenthood centers on the baby. You spend hours researching what to buy. You take classes on how to keep that tiny human alive. You line up a pediatrician and childcare. All of that is essential. But your needs are too.

Caring for yourself is key to your well-being and your little one’s. (Research shows that poor parental mental health can negatively impact children’s mental and physical health.) So the more support you can put in place now, the easier it will be to protect your welfare once baby arrives.

The first few months of your baby’s life can feel like a rollercoaster. It’s a massive life change. And it will likely require more than your usual coping skills. That’s in part because there’ll be more stressors and less sleep than usual.

“There’s a lot we don’t have control over in those early months,” says Giselle Alexander, LCSW, a licensed therapist and AbleTo program advisor. “But we do have control over our responses. That should include showing ourselves compassion.”

You might already be planning for some things, like meals and sleep. Others might not have crossed your mind quite yet.

We’ll walk you through 7 key needs of every new parent. Then we’ll share tips for finding solutions that feel right for you — and your growing family.

Ways to protect your well-being

The types of support that help new parents protect their well-being fall into 3 buckets: physical, mental, and emotional. To get you thinking about what will help you most, we’ll call out a few key needs in each category. Then we’ll go deeper into how to find support for each one.

Physical support

The need: Basic cleaning and hygiene for yourself and your home
The support: The number of hours in a day and the number of hands each adult has are both finite. This means only so much is going to get done in any 24-hour stretch, especially when you’re operating in 2-hour chunks. That might take some adjusting. Not to mention shifting priorities.

“Start by asking yourself what needs to be done now and what can wait for later,” says Alexander.

If you can afford to, you might find a cleaner to take care of some housework. But regardless, this is the time to lean on family and friends. The key is enlisting people who are willing to be helpers, not just visitors.

That means doing whatever you define as help, including washing dishes or doing laundry. And, sure, they can hold the baby if you’re okay with that. (And if it gives you enough time to enjoy a relaxing bath or shower.)

Do your best to let go of any guilt you might feel about needing or wanting help. Every new parent needs a hand. And it genuinely makes other people happy to be there for you, especially if they’ve been in your shoes.

“You’ll never forget what it felt like being a new parent,” says Alexander. “And the next time you see someone who needs that help, you may be in a position to pay the kindness back.”

The need: Sleep
The support: Research shows that sleep is crucial for both physical and mental health. But it can be hard to come by while your newborn needs to feed every 2 to 4 hours. The workaround? Finding a way to secure some anchor sleep. That equals one straight 4-hour period. The timing should be consistent every night.

If you have a partner, discuss taking solo shifts so the other person can get that rest. You may need to tweak the schedule based on each parent’s work demands. If both parents are working, you might switch off every other night.

One splurge to consider? A night nanny or nurse. While some do have nursing degrees, it’s more common for them to be certified newborn care specialists. They’ll take over soothing, diapering, and feeding overnight. (Or they’ll bring baby to a breastfeeding mom. Then handle the rest.)

In most cases, insurance will only cover these pros in special cases. For example, if the mom has a medical condition requiring extra support. But expectant parents can also set up a fund as part of their registry.

The need: Healthy meals
The support: Good food can be a source of comfort in the early days of parenthood. If you love to cook, make a few freezer meals before baby comes. Stash it in single-serving portions to make reheating easier.

Old-school meal trains are also a great idea. They’re easier to arrange than ever, thanks to sites like MealTrain.com. You can create a train, specify your likes and dislikes, and set dates for coverage. Then friends and family can sign up for slots.

Another option: meal delivery services. Territory, Thistle, and CookUnity offer a wide range of items to keep things interesting. A growing number are designed for postpartum nutrition. Three to look at are Chiyo, Ritual Meals, and Mama Meals.

Emotional support

The need: Community
The support: The postpartum period is one of major emotional upheaval. And it can feel very isolating, especially in the wee hours. Other new parents can be a source of strength. You can celebrate each others’ wins. And you can help steady each other during the tough moments.

“You were never meant to parent solo,” says journalist Cassie Shortsleeve. A mom of 3, Shortsleeve is the founder of Dear Sunday Motherhood and co-founder of Two Truths, a maternal wellness newsletter. A key part of her mission? Helping new moms realize they’re not alone in their experiences or sometimes conflicting emotions.

“Community care is the norm all over the world. It has been for millennia. But it’s often missing in this country, and that’s not moms’ fault,” says Shortsleeve.

You can often find local new parent groups via websites like Facebook or BabyCenter. Belong to a religious group? Or community center? Scope out the bulletin boards.

In any case, keep an eye out for in-person meetups. Or suggest one yourself! It might feel scary to put yourself out there. But the other new parents likely feel the same desire to bond.

Virtual circles can be another vital resource. Some offer annual memberships based on location, as well as expected birth month. Mysha, for example, does both. In either instance, moms join small pods with WhatsApp threads. They can ask each other questions, exchange resources, and share their highs and lows.

Postpartum Support International offers more than 50 free support groups. Some are fairly broad, like those for dads or birth moms. Others are more focused, like those for BIPOC birthers, those parenting after loss, and queer parents.

The need: Self care
The support: You’ve probably heard that adage that you can’t pour from an empty cup. In this case, it’s really tough to take care of an infant if you’re not taking care of yourself. That includes carving out time for self care.

For some, it might look like getting out of the house to see a friend. For others, it might be 20 minutes a day to journal or meditate. AbleTo’s self-care tools can help you make either one a habit.

The key is doing something to nourish your emotional well-being. “It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what self care will look like for you as a new parent,” says Alexander. “But give it some thought. If you can, set aside a little money to make it happen.”

Mental support

The need: Childcare duties
The support: A new baby comes with a lot of repetitive tasks. There’s feeding, bottle washing, and diapering. If you’re pumping, those parts need washing, too. Plus, there are the normal to-dos like cleaning your house and shopping for groceries.

It can all feel a bit tedious. And when you’re running on little sleep, it’s easy to lose track of what needs doing.

Before baby arrives, make a list of all the tasks that will need to happen. If you’re in a dual-parent situation, discuss who will do what. (Bear in mind, if mom plans to breastfeed, that will take up a good amount of time and energy.) If you’re parenting solo, can you ask someone to give you a hand? Line up that help early so that there’s less to think about postpartum.

The need: Mental health care
The support: Navigating this major life change might merit some professional support. Consider teeing up a few sessions with a therapist for the weeks following your delivery. It can be especially helpful if you have risk factors like previous trauma or depression or anxiety.

Virtual options, such as AbleTo (check your eligibility), can be extra useful since you don’t have to go anywhere. And it’s totally fine if you’re trapped under a sleeping baby.

Wondering where to start? Or what might be covered by your health plan? Alexander suggests checking with the human resources department. There may be benefits or an employee assistance program you can tap into.

You’ll also want to check your health plan to see if there are any providers in-network. “You can also ask your OBGYN or baby’s future pediatrician,” says Alexander. After all, good doctors often know other good doctors.

Once you settle on a provider, there are a couple of topics Alexander advises exploring. “Having a baby forces you to step outside your comfort zone,” she explains. “There’s a lot that’s out of your control, so it’s important to get comfortable with uncertainty.”

Building self-compassion and mental flexibility are also key to weathering the ups and downs of the postpartum period. New parents often put a lot of pressure on themselves to get everything “right.” But, as Alexander points out, things may not turn out exactly as we want them to all the time. And that’s okay. “We need to learn that there’s room to adjust,” she says.

Want broad support?

Most people have heard of night nurses and birth doulas. But fewer know a postpartum doula.

Postpartum doulas support the whole family. They can help out with light cooking and give feeding guidance. They can share evidence-based newborn care advice. They can also help moms navigate postpartum emotions. Plus, they can care directly for the baby to give parents a break overnight. (If you have other kids, they can help siblings bond, too.)

Cost is certainly a factor. The hourly rate might range from $30 to $80 based on where you live. But there are ways to make it happen.

Some parents add a fund to their registries. Some health plans may cover part of the cost. (Request a bill from your doula that details the services provided.) Your plan may even allow you to use FSA/HSA funds. And some doulas work on a sliding scale. You can also reach out to community-based groups. Search for them on DONA International.

If you live in a major urban area, check with your city health services. Some also have free or low-cost doula services for eligible folks.

Medicaid also covers services in some states, including Florida, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, and Oregon.

Preparation pays off

We know the pre-baby to-do list can feel infinite. But there’s deep value in making sure it includes doing at least a few things to protect your own well-being.

There’s truth to the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. Back in the day, people meant that literally. These days, everyone’s support system will look a little different. But help is out there. And you can take steps now to set yourself up for success.