Dealing with Heartache: 9 Strategies for Getting Through It

If you’re going through a breakup or struggling to move past one, then you know how hard it can be.

The ending of a relationship is a loss. And losses can stir up a lot of emotions. Anger. Hurt. Sadness. Confusion. Relief. You might feel all of them — even at the same time. Or go back and forth between the same emotions over and over again.

You may wake up thinking, “I feel great today! I love being single!” Then end the day crying over old pictures. That’s not falling backward. It’s just processing. And this type of emotional fallout is usually temporary, research finds.¹

Think of the storms you’ve weathered before. You may not feel OK at this moment, but feelings change — just like the weather. It’s all about doing your best to close the windows and let the storm pass by.

How exactly do you do that? Here are some strategies I recommend to my clients.

Your guide to getting through the grief of a breakup

There’s no doubt about it. Picking yourself up after a relationship ends can be emotionally trying. But, healthy coping strategies like the ones below can help ease your distress.²

Accept your feelings
I get it. You want to push the unpleasant feelings away. But it won’t work. You can’t skip the hard stuff. Try allowing your feelings to just be present instead. Naming them — without judgment — is a good first step. This is where AbleTo can come in handy. Use the app’s Mood Tracking tool to log and describe what you’re feeling.

Let your feelings flow
You’re going through something. Honor that by really feeling your feelings. Release that big, sticky energy around your heart. That might mean screaming into a pillow. Or crying to your favorite sad songs. Pouring your thoughts and feelings into a private journal can also help.

Seek support
Turn to your mental health emergency kit. Who’s most supportive of you in your life? What makes you feel better? Find your strongest sources of support and lean on them during this difficult time.

Meditate
As you move through a breakup, you may find yourself thinking about the past or worrying about what the future holds. Either may upset you. Try to stay in the present moment instead. Meditate on the heart space. Feel into what is present. You can practice this skill with a guided meditation like Becoming Aware.

Indulge in feel-good time
Take small steps towards making yourself a priority by diving into the things that light you up. Walks, hikes, bike rides, exercise, playing with pets, family time, baths or spas are all great options. Start with 15 minutes and go from there. Reflect on how you feel afterward and write those feelings down. This can help you figure out what aids your healing process the most.

Take time to reflect on what YOU like and love about YOU
Self-compassion can be a valuable tool in buyilding your self-esteem back up, if needed, after a relationship ends.³ Use positive self-talk. Look in the mirror and say, “I love you. You are beautiful. You are enough.” Don’t be afraid. Repeat it over and over.

Need more help in this area? Give our Self-Esteem Booster Kit a try.

Challenge unhelpful thought patterns
Going through a breakup is hard enough. Negative thoughts, which tend to be false, can add to feelings of depression and anxiety.⁴ Use AbleTo’s 3Cs Guided Journal to catch and reframe those sneaky thinking traps. Is your inner critic on full blast? Step back to see if its words are true. Spoiler alert: They’re probably not. Use these tips to silence it.

Practice gratitude
Appreciating what’s good in your life can help you bounce back — or even experience personal growth — after a loss.⁵ Here are 5 ways to boost your well-being with gratitude. Who knows, some day you might even be grateful for the relationship you lost and the opportunity you gained.

Get into a groove
A breakup can turn your world upside down. A sense of routine can help to right the ship. Lean into the practices, behaviors, and rituals that serve you. AbleTo’s Habit Tracking tool can help keep yourself honest. Strengthen the routines that work for you. Set aside the ones that don’t.

All storms eventually pass

How do I know this all works? A recent heartbreak turned my world upside down. I’m now seeing it as a true invitation to be fully me.

But this new perspective wouldn’t have been possible without the tears, journaling, therapy sessions, coaching, friends, family, nature, runs, meditation, walks, yoga, and lots of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.

So, yes one door may have closed. But maybe you’re getting the push you need to open that next door, window, hidden bookcase entry to a secret room. Whatever it is for you.

And no, it’s not easy. I’m trusting in myself and the opportunity ahead. I hope these tips help you do the same.